How I Changed My Mind About Baby Showers

When I was pregnant with Toby, I initially didnt want to have a baby shower…

Would it be self-indulgent to have a shower? I wondered. I didnt want my friends to feel pressured to buy us gifts, and I felt shy about opening presents while everyone watched. My enormous belly and I didnt need to be the center of attention, and I was sleepy all the time anyway. I figured we should just skip it.

But then.

My friends Nora and Abbey offered to throw a classic New York brunch at Noras apartment, complete with bagels, cream cheese and lox, and invite a handful of friends to celebrate the soon-to-arrive baby. My mom and sister even wanted to fly in from Michigan and California, and the idea started to sound kind of wonderful, after all.

The real surprise came during the shower itself. While I opened presents, surrounded by close female friends and relatives, everyone began sharing motherhood advice and stories. Take the nipple cream to the hospital, and Swaddling helps your baby sleep, and I LOVED Good Night, Gorilla! and These are the only baby socks that dont fall off. My aunts told nostalgic stories about raising their children. We laughed about antiquated doctor advice from the 80s. A few friends even told their birth stories.

Overall, I was amazed by how tribal it felt. Up until then, my pregnancy had felt individual and a little isolating (after all, youre on your own when youre gripped with anxiety or lying awake at night with heartburn!), I suddenly felt bolstered and empowered by a community of supportive women who had been through all these stages before and were excited to meet my baby.

Have you heard that when a female elephant gives birth, the other female elephants gather in a circle around her? They protect her from all sides and taking turns trumpeting encouragement. Isnt that amazing? (I think I read it in Great with Child.) The baby shower experiencebeing surrounded by this circle of women sending you all their maternal strengthreminded me of that.

Nowadays, when a friend will hem and haw about having a baby shower, I always say: Do it! It can be a powerful experience and a great step from pregnancy to motherhood. I now see why it has become such a time-honored tradition. Plus, you get cake 🙂

Did you have a baby shower? Did you like it? Id love to have one for our second baby, too, but is it weird to have a shower for your second baby? Maybe something simple?
These photos are from the moment Alex stopped by the shower, and just for fun, heres the gorgeous dress my friend Leigh wore:) P.S. Pregnancy survival guide, and what to register for your new baby.

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